Friday, November 29, 2024

Mystery Solved

“It couldn’t have been Nancy,” Jason shouted. “She died six years ago.”

“I tell you it was her voice on the phone. No doubt.” Charles shifted to a lower gear in his racing green, 1979 MGB replica. He loved driving down back roads with the windows down and music playing in the wind. Today’s selections were from the movie “Mama Mia”. The mist hanging in the air provided extra intrigue for whatever it was the brothers were getting into.

“There is software that can learn how to have a conversation using a particular voice pattern,” Jason said. He wiggled in his seat trying to find a little more room. His body wasn’t meant for small places.

“I suppose you believe aliens landed in the New Mexico desert, too.”

They continued down the dirt road in silence, a tail of dust in their wake. Charles stared straight ahead. Jason, his right hand clutched to the window handle, counted the dead trees and wondered if he might join them soon. “Could you slow down a little, please?”

Charles ignored him. 

“So why do you think she told us to drive to the old Jamerson place,” Charles said. As he neared their destination, he realized his grip on the steering wheel had gotten tighter. He flexed his fingers to relax them. “I thought it was abandoned.”

“I heard some rich guy bought it and turned it into an event center.”

“Did Mom leave any other clues as to what’s going on?” 

Jason shifted in his seat. The bumpy ride provided by the ground hugging machine was doing a job on his spine. He’d need to see his chiropractor when he returned home. If he returned home.

“Just to bring you and the manilla envelope she’d left in the safe.” Jason said, as he continued to count trees. “This is getting creepy.”

“You got that right,” Charles said. He took a couple of deep breaths to calm his nerves. They didn’t help.

The brothers fell silent again, until Charles took a second corner too fast. The car felt like it was about to roll over, as the rear end slued to the right.

“Jesus, Charles, let’s at least get there before we crash and burn.

Charles eased up on the gas pedal.

Looking ahead, the brothers watched the Civil War mansion appear in the thinning mist. A large, white barn stood off to one side. The parking area next to the house was empty.

“You sure we have the right day?” Charles asked.

Jason removed a piece of paper from his shirt pocket and read from it. “Saturday, May 4, 6 PM, 13548 Overton Road. Don’t be late!” He put the paper back. “Maybe the caller dialed the wrong number.”

“I told you. It was Nancy.” 

Charles pulled into a parking spot and wondered if he should turn around and go home or see what awaited inside. The writing on the envelop said to not open until they were in the living room. He swatted an insect away and thought about opening the envelop. Being superstitious, he decided to follow the directions as given.

The brothers climbed the stairs to the front porch. “Open it,” Charles said, pointing at the door.

“You open it,” Jason replied. “We’re here because of you.”

Charles hesitated before slowly turning the door knob. They stepped inside and saw a large room to the right. He nodded to Jason. Jason nodded back. They entered the room together.

The blinds were closed leaving the room mostly in the dark. They could see a brown corner sofa and armchair to their right. A game table and four chairs waited on the opposite wall. There were two floor-to-ceiling bookshelves straight ahead.

“Maybe it’s time you open the envelope,” Jason whispered.

“You think?” Charles asked.

Jason nodded his head several times.

Charles opened the envelope as if he was expecting it to contain a bomb. Jason offered a few more encouraging nods.

Charles finally reached into the envelope and pulled out a single piece of paper with one word on it. He turned it so Jason could see. 

SURPRISE!

He was about to say something when the lights went on and the room filled with people yelling.

“Surprise!”

“Happy 50th birthday, Charles!”

“Fifty is nifty!”

“You made another one, you old goat.”

In front of him were thirty family and friends. Some had travelled a good distance to be here. He turned to Jason and cocked his arm as if he was going to slug his brother. Instead, he put a hand on his shoulder.

“You know how I hate parties.”

“And I know if I had told you in advance, you’d have found someplace else to drive that faux car of yours as an excuse for not showing up.”

“So, it wasn’t Nancy’s voice,” Charles said.

“No, that was the work of your nephew, Jacob. He’s the computer whiz in the family.”

Charles grabbed a glass of champagne off a tray, took a sip, and felt his body relax. He looked around at all the attendees laughing and seemingly enjoying themselves. He only wished his sister, Nancy, could be there.

***

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Friday, November 8, 2024

Three Strikes, You’re Out

“You sure had a good time staring down Pam’s dress,” Margaret said with a saber’s edge on the words. “Not that you had to. Her breasts were mostly hanging out.” She pointed the silver blade my way. “And this wasn’t the first time.” Her eyes shot daggers my way. I bowed my head in penance, keeping one eye on the butcher knife in her left hand.

“So were yours,” I said. “I looked at them a lot more than I did Pam’s.”

Margaret paced back and forth across the kitchen, mumbling. Leftover dishes from my surprise birthday party crowded the sink and counters.

I sat on a stool wearing only a pair of briefs. Margaret’s demand. It was that or live without a favorite body part. I reminded her it was a favorite of hers, too. She replied she could get a dozen at any nearby establishment that sold adult beverages.

“Did you try the peach pie?” I asked. “It was very good. Made it myself.” 

“Buffalo pucks, you did. You couldn’t cook your way out of a McDonald’s.” 

“Well. . .I added my special ingredient.” She stared at the pie, her head cocked to one side, an incredulous look on her face. “Did you notice how everyone who ate the pie loosened up. That was the uppers I put in each piece.” I smiled the smile that usually melted her when she got grumpy.

“You put what in the pie?”

Out of desperation, I smiled big enough to make my face hurt. No change.

Man part, pie, smile. All no. I’m screwed!