Time Flies

First published at The Short Humour Site (2008)


“Geez, what are these things, Gord?

“Time flies.”

“Time flies. Never heard of 'em.”

“Word down at the barbershop is they're part of an Alien invasion.”

“Are they dangerous?”

“Nope. Just annoying.”

“How come you don't have any?”

“When was the last time you took a bath, Walt?”

“Week ago Saturday, I reckon.”

“Ten days? No wonder. They say these buggers are attracted to human odor and sweat.”

“Do they make you itch?”

“Well, they feed on blood, so I suppose they could.”

“There sure are lots of them.”

“I heard this is a high-tech batch. It only takes six hours for new babies to hatch.”

“I can't stop itching, Gord.”

“Maybe you should take your shirt off.”

“I'm completely covered. What do I do?”

“'Fraid there isn't much you can do. I did forget to tell why they call them time flies.”

“Why?”

“Once you get this many of them on you, your time's up.”

“Hey, Gord, you looked me straight in the eye and told me they were harmless.”

“And I'm going to look you straight in the eye and tell you one more thing.”

“What's that?”

“I lied.”