Fixin’ a Leak

This all-dialog story first appeared at Dialogual.

“Whatcha gonna do with that there duct tape, Chet?”

“Fix a leak.”

“Must not be too bad if you can stop it with just duct tape.”

“Bad enough.”

“So, where’s this leak at?”

“It’s all over. Seems like everyone in town has seen it or heard it. Even got to Lucy. She nearly took my head off with her rantin’. Made me real mad when she told me what she heard. So mad I went to the hardware store and bought me a fresh roll of tape. Knew it’d take more than I had to do the job. Here, hold this end for a bit.”

“Sure. So what did. . .? Hey, why’re you wrappin’ that tape around my waist, Chet?”

“Cause you’re the leak, Shorty. You was the only one I told about Mabel over in Sioux City. You was the only one who knew I went to see her last Saturday. You was the only one who could have started the story flowing around town about her and me. The one where everyone thinks I’m cheatin’ on Lucy.”

“I never said nothin’ about you havin’ sexual relations with humum, hrumm hrumummuum.

“There, that oughta do it. Can’t stop the noise, but at least it don’t mean nothin’ now.”

“And by the way, that woman over in Sioux City? I hired this genealogist to locate her. She’s the sister Lucy was separated from after their parents was killed in a car accident. Lucy was two. Mabel was six. Made Lucy real happy when I told her the truth. Real happy, if you know what I mean.”