Highway Robbery

A rusty, blue Cadillac came around the blind corner spitting and wheezing. It stopped a few feet from where a sloth sat on his haunches holding up a Stop sign, a ratty tam tilted on his head, making it look like the animal had Devil horns.

“Good afternoon…um…whatever you are,” the heavyset driver said, while cranking down the window. He looked around at the fall trees dressed in various shades of red and yellow and green, took a hankie out, and wiped his brow. “Gets pretty humid here.”

“Yes, sir,” the sloth replied. “It’ll be better once winter arrives.”

“Do you have a name?” the driver asked.

“Flash.”

“Flash? But aren’t you a…um…?”

“Sloth. And proud of it,” Flash said. 

“Well, I better be going. I’m already late for a business retreat.”

“Nice meeting you,” Flash replied. “That’ll be $98.38.”

“Say what?” 

“This is a toll road. You have to pay to use it.”

“That’s highway robbery.”

“More like country road robbery.” the sloth said, straight-faced.

“Well, I’m not paying.”

“Before you go, there’s something you need to know.” Flash lowered the sign and pointed to the front of the vehicle. “While you and I were chatting, Miranda, my wife, cuddled up against a front tire for a nap. My son Junior did the same in the back.” Flash held out his hands, palms up and hunched his shoulders. “You wouldn’t want to deprive a son of his mother, or a mother her child.”

“I don’t have that much cash on me.”

“We also take credit and bank transfers.”

“Oh, all right,” the man said, a scowl outlining his face. He took out his wallet and handed over five twenties. “Keep the change,” the man said, giving Flash the finger.

Flash smiled in return and waved goodbye.

Later, Miranda rested her head against Flash's shoulder. “You know how I get horny when you score like that.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Maybe you could send Junior on an errand,” she said, a finger meandering lazily down his torso.

“Junior,” Flash yelled. “I need you to run an errand.”

—-

This is my second Flash story. You can read the first one at https://www.spankthecarp.com/issue81_harrington.html.